The Quick Commuter’s Guide to the Weekend Movie Releases – 10th Oct 2014

No time? Unsure about what to see at the cinema this weekend? Look no further.

There are three films being released nationwide:

The Rewrite

Comedy (maybe). Romance (cheesy).

Hugh Grant plays a washed-up screenwriter. He meets a girl.

Fact to impress – First Grant rom-com for 5 years.

Wife/Girlfriend/Date? – Yes – take her and she’ll love you.

Husband/Boyfriend/Date? – If you want to test his commitment.

Kids? – Hugh Grant is old – no.

Mates? – Slushy nonsense – no.

Worth the ticket price? – If its your thing.


Horror (scary dolls).

Vintage doll comes to life.

Fact to impress – The leading female actress is also called Annabelle. Spooky.

Wife/Girlfriend/Date? – Lots of grabbing your arm.

Husband/Boyfriend/Date? – If you want to see if he is a scaredy-cat.

Kids? – If you are a sadist.

Mates? – Good laugh.

Worth the ticket price? – If you liked The Conjuring.

The Maze Runner

Action (teenage-aimed). Thriller (if you are 14). Mystery (its about a Maze).

Young boys in the middle of a maze for no reason. Want to get out. Consequences.

Fact to impress – Sequels 2 and 3 are already planned.

Wife/Girlfriend/Date? – It’s a bit of a boy film.

Husband/Boyfriend/Date? – If he’s 14 and/or Hunger Games fan.

Kids? – Yes.

Mates? – Not if you’re over 17.

Worth the ticket price? – If you enjoy the teenage fantasy fad or you have a maze fetish.

Edge of Tomorrow (Tom Cruise) is out to rent or buy if you fancy a night in. It’s great.


Twilight is returning! But no R-Patz?! And not in the cinema?! *Cue Jaws music*

Everyone under sixteen years old, (normally) female and with a pulse – STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND LISTEN. Put down the phone and switch off One Direction.

It has just been reported that the Twilight saga, the pre-Hunger Games teen sensation, is set to return. But not in the cinemas…

No – while the cinema franchise ended more-or-less recently to the joy of some and the sadness of (younger) others, it shall live on in the form of five all new segments via Facebook, of all places.

Lionsgate, the company that holds the rights to the Twilight as well as the similarly lucrative Hunger Games sagas, are clearly intent on keeping the slew of money piped into their back pockets for some time to come.

Lionsgate own The Hunger Games as well as Twilight. A monopoly of the teen market!

This announcement is fantastic news for Women in the Film industry, as with the announcement came the inclusion that all five segments will be Directed by five carefully selected female talents. This is certainly a step in the right direction for what is a curious caveat of Hollywood; the lack of females in high roles.

The announcement will no doubt come as ecstasy to the target audience as it becomes apparent that we are living in a ‘Golden Age’ of Young Adult cinema. The 80s gave us the golden age of cinema for the sixteen and above age range, and now we have a multitude of franchises devoted to those below. Along with Twilight and The Hunger Games there is The Host (also written by Twilight’s Stephenie Meyer), The GiverThe Maze Runner and Divergent to name a few.

The bad news for these fans is that it has also been stated none of the previous cast members of the cinema franchise will appear in the segments. ‘No R-Patz?!’ – No. ‘No moody chick?!’ – afraid not.

Bye, guys. *Tear*

No, this shows Lionsgate attempting to reinvent the franchise for a new audience. Because believe it or not, humans age, so those who were thirteen, fourteen, fifteen when the first Twilight was released in 2008 are now nineteen, twenty, even twenty-one. Planting these segments on Facebook will reel in a new stack of teen cattle. In fact, Lionsgate’s Vice-Chairman alluded to just this:

‘We think Facebook is a great way to introduce the world of ‘Twilight’ to a new audience while re-energising existing fans’ – Michael Burns

…so it’s not exactly a secret.

But what next for cinema? Yesterday’s announcement from Netflix, plus Yahoo breaking into TV, and now this. It seems while VoD services try to break into cinema, cinema is trying to crack VoD and online content. It’s anyone’s guess which forces will win the battle…

Are you happy about this announcement? Will you be watching these segments, or would you prefer another film? Or would you rather stare at a wall for six hours? Tweet @MovieMasticator your opinions!