Top 5 Contemporary Vampire Comedies

The vampire corner of the horror genre has lent itself to some of the best dramatic movies of recent times; Let the Right One In being the ultimate example.

But can vampires be funny? Is sucking people’s blood really that hilarious? Apparently.

Our resident guru on all things fanged (??), Renu, gives us a rundown of the Top 5.

5. Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant

Cirque Du Freak Reilly Hutcherson

Okay okay – so it’s more action than comedy and a little gut wrenching at times, but it is still pretty funny. This movie follows a teenage boy turned vampire’s assistant as a consequence of stealing the vampire’s pet spider.

Based on the book series by the same name written by Darren Shan, it’s worth the watch, ticking all the boxes of a good gory vampire movie and starring a young Josh Hutcherson as the boy alongside his master John C. Reilly (guaranteeing laughs).

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4. Dark Shadows

Dark-Shadows-large-johnny-depp

With the movie starring Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter, you can pretty much guess it’s directed by the legendary Tim Burton. This retro remake of the old TV show is about a vampire (Depp) brought out of his coffin and into the 70’s. Returning to his home, Depp’s character comically adjusts to life with TVs, music and his dysfunctional descendants.

3. Vampires Suck

vampires-suck-makeup

This infamous spoof of Twilight was all the rage back when it first came out. With a great cast, this comedy exploits the teen Saga, emphasising all its faults like any good parody – particularly the sparkling vampire concept. With a musical number and Chihuahuas, it just keeps getting better – Hallelujah (it’s raining men)!

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2. Vampire Academy

vampire academy

It’s not even supposed to be a comedy, but if the shoe fits, right? Following the story of two girls, Lissa and Rose, in a quest to save their clan from the evil grasps of the opposing vampire race, what could’ve been an action film with two strong female leads is now a disaster and had me in tears of disappointed shock. If you’ve read the book by the same name and loved it, don’t watch the movie!

1. What We Do In The Shadows

Following the behind-the-scenes life of three vampires living together, this ‘documentary style’ film plays up the weird and wonderful supernatural powers vampires have, portraying them as regular human beings… who are just dead – or undead. Yet to be officially released, this is an absolute gem you must catch if you can.

Do you agree, or do you prefer another neck-chomping laugh-fest? Let us know via

Twitter @MovieMasticator, or Our Facebook Page!

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What Do We Call The New Lightsaber? 8 Names From Across The Internet…

Mayhem.

This is what happens when Star Wars nerds suddenly don’t know any more than normal humans about something Star Wars related.

Of course you know this but I have to say it anyway – NEWS FLASH: the new – and first – trailer for Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens has been released. (If you have been hibernating for 72 hours and are yet to see it, scroll to the bottom of this post.)

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Ok. Now let’s get down to business.

The trailer had many big moments but one more significant than the rest. This moment:

Creepy Dark Sith Guy Wields New Scary Lightsaber
Creepy Dark Sith Guy Wields New Scary Lightsaber

The crazy new lightsaber design sent geeks worldwide, including me, on a panic trip. The streets were filled with frenzied men and women running around, screaming into their storm trooper helmets and Chewbacca masks:

‘WHAT IS IT? WHAT IS IT CAAAALLLLEEEDDD?!?!’

It’s a fair point. Since the trailer’s release there has been an unspoken online fumbling between nerds as they stammer around different, mis-matched, hashed names for the new lightsaber.

It’s time for this to end. It’s time to agree on a name. Here is a selection of 8 I have harvested in the past 24 hours, with sources both reputable and less reputable.

Choose your favourite, and vote in the poll near the bottom.

Claymore Lightsaber

As seen on MovieWeb and Mashable, this name is simply a visual comparison between the lasers of the lightsaber and the sideways lasers on a claymore (a military weapon).

A claymore mine as represented in the Call of Duty gaming franchise.
A claymore mine as represented in the Call of Duty gaming franchise.

Crosshilt Lightsaber

Jeff Yang, Writer at the Wall Street Journal, gives it a more medieval twang.

Jeff Yang Original Spin CrossHilt Tweet

Crossbar Lightsaber

The Verge go for the simple and effective route…. Also sounds pretty cool.

Crossblade Lightsaber

The Mary Sue get blade in there instead of bar to give it a more foreboding tone.

Screenshot from themarysue.com
Screenshot from themarysue.com

Crossguard Lightsaber

One of the more widely-used names, as popularised by Buzzfeed and the Washington Post.

Screenshot from thewashingtonpost.com
Screenshot from thewashingtonpost.com

Broadsword Lightsaber

Vox and FirstShowing take the name back to what potentially inspired it.

Broadswords are a medieval sword with a similar protective hilt.
Broadswords are a medieval sword with a similar protective hilt.

Crucifix Lightsaber

The Daily Beast gives us a beastly title that rather fits the dark character wielding the weapon.

Screenshot from thedailybeast.com
Screenshot from thedailybeast.com

Triple-Bladed Lightsaber

A rather matter-of-fact title with no real creativity from Entertainment Weekly

Screenshot from insidemovies.ew.com
Screenshot from insidemovies.ew.com
So what’s your favourite? Got any better ones?
Comment below or contact us via

Twitter @MovieMasticator, or Our Facebook Page!

Anyone else not get the Star Wars hype? Click here to join the minority. 

As promised, here is the full trailer once again:

Anyone else not ‘GET’ Star Wars?

I don’t get why people love Star Wars. 

It has been a chink in my film-loving armour ever since I self-diagnosed the disease by re-watching the original trilogy in my later teens.

My fears were confirmed – I just don’t ‘get’ Star Wars. I don’t get the hype or the fandom, and I don’t really like it that much.

Why were they fears? Because I really want to love it. Everyone has those movies, franchises, directors etc. that just ‘aren’t for them’. Mine just happens to be arguably the most popular movie franchise of all time.

If not the most popular, then at least the marker against which geek-film-lovers are measured. How much you really love Star Wars is a constant psychological battle between nerds – a common way to judge the passion of a film-goer. And I always lose.

It’s a bit like telling someone you love a sport, but then when they ask ‘Who do you support?’ you say

‘Oh, no one. I just…like watching it.’

That inquisitor suddenly deflates – I am not talking to someone of real sporting passion.

My stance has begun to feel very isolated. That isolation has grown synonymously with the anticipation for the upcoming instalment: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens. 

The entirety of geek-dom is dribbling into their cereal every morning as they daydream about what could happen to…whoever it is the film is about this time. I’m lost in the chronology. 

The daunting breadth of the mythology.
The daunting breadth of the mythology.

Anyone else want Seth Rogen to just STOP?

I re-watched A New Hope last week to try and re-acquaint myself, to defibrillate some love…but it was not to be.

My lack of affection is not for the want of trying. I feel as though I have watched the franchise, the original trio at least, as often as I have watched any other that I love, never mind show indifference towards.

Lord of the Rings? Perfect. I’ll watch them all. Extended. I’ll bathe in the nerd-ness.

Star Wars? Meh. Lightsabers are cool, Vader is as iconic as any character in movie history and the franchise lends its material to some of the funniest YouTube movie-mash-ups made to date.

But what is with the opening crawl? Is it just me who thinks it is ugly, and an incredibly boring way to start a film? What happened to show me, don’t tell me?

And why is it so confusing? Who knows who? Where are we now? Why has he got a spiky head? Where are these furry things coming from? What is my name?

Watching the movies is a very disillusioning experience for me. The irritating thing is, I can hardly even explain it. It barely boils down to reason or logic. 

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Looking ahead, there are glimmers of positivity.

Director of Episode VII J.J. Abrams is a crowd pleaser. He brought Star Trek to a new generation and rebooted the Mission: Impossible franchise, among other things. If I’m ever going to like the franchise, The Force Awakens is the time. 

Here’s to honesty.

Am I alone? Does anyone else not ‘get’ Star Wars, or another huge franchise? Let us know via

Twitter @MovieMasticator, or Our Facebook Page.