Fifty Shades Movie Doesn’t Look Sexy Enough…Or Is It Just Me?

There are 2 rules in art criticism;

1. You should never judge a book by its cover.

2. You should never judge a movie by its source material.

Although Fifty Shades of Grey was a novel of questionable literary quality, it became a 2012 phenomenon that whipped(!) half of society – the female half – into a frenzy about bondage.

The book devoured straight women of all ages who yearned to be swept up by a powerful businessman with oh-so ‘singular’ tastes. Sales of E-Readers rocketed due to this sexualised cohort wanting to read the book secretly in public. How risqué!

So can a movie adaptation live up to the book’s sex appeal? Can the first trailer give us a heavy dose of hot, lustful mischievousness?

Hmm. Not really.

Granted, the trailer can’t be TOO graphic as it has to be suitable for a wide audience, but bar a quick shot of heavy breathing, heavy kissing and a whip here and there, it all seems a bit uneventful, disappointing…Un-Sexy.

First of all, the lead actors are not typical Hugh Jackman’s or Emma Watson’s. While the woman, Dakota Johnson playing Anastasia, is required to look down to earth, every day and ‘mumsy’, Mr. Grey (Jamie Dornan) doesn’t look to be the man to set the female population of the globe all-a-flutter. He’s a handsome guy, but is he really a HANDSOME guy? Would every straight woman in the world love a bit of rumpy-pumpy with Jamie?

Furthermore, there doesn’t seem to be any chemistry between the two. Take a look at Margot Robbie seducing Will Smith in a recent trailer for Focus to see what sexy chemistry looks like. It all seems a bit stagey in Fifty Shades, a bit British.

I lied – there are 3 rules to art criticism. The third is – never judge a movie by its trailer, before it has even been released.

So for that reason we should put this argument on hold until Valentines Day 2015.

Look – I’m a straight guy so what do I know? If I’m wrong, let me know via…

@MovieMasticator on Twitter, or Our Facebook Page!